One day in a classic change-the-world-conversation, as usually happens with, I told my friend it all boiled down to self-knowledge and self-love.
And he replied “Well, but you have to be careful with loving yourself too much, that’s not good.” And I was puzzled. It wouldn’t be the last time someone had that reaction to self-love.
I learned that some people related the word ‘self-love’ with narcissism, egoism and selfishness. I realized they were cautious and skeptical of the word.
But that really made me think. The real issue is with self-love, it’s with the word LOVE itself.
We use the word love everywhere all the time. I love ice cream. I love my bed. I love life. I love my dog. I love it when we laugh. I love my family. And ultimately, we relate the word ‘love’ with our closest partner.
We throw the word around all the time, in different contexts and referring to different degrees of liking, enjoying, and even being obsessed with something.
Ice cream gives you enjoyment, satisfaction and momentary happiness, but not really love. And if gives you a stomach ache, or its a flavor you don’t like it, your love will vanish. Your bed gives you peace and comfort. But when it starts getting old you’ll throw it out and replace it.
It means something different to everyone. But few have really stopped to think what real love really is.
In relationships in the world today, we confuse love with many others things. Attachment. Infatuation. Attention. Possessiveness. Obsession. Commitment. Excitement. Butterflies. Need. Manipulation. Joy.
I have news. None of those are love.
Love is not an emotion. Although, it can certainly make you feel certain emotions. You can be angry, confused, scared and still feel or have love. The word love has gone a long way from its real, true meaning. It is overused but not experienced enough.
Love is an energy. Love is the highest frequency.
Love is pure acceptance.
Love is trust.
Love is surrender.
Love is not conditioned.
Love is humble.
Love is free.
Love just is.
Think of your need to be in control. Do you want to change things that piss you off? Are you proud, or do you hold grudges? Are judging others all the time (and therefore constantly judging yourself)? Are you too caught up with what people will think, with your status or reputation? Are you entitled or spoiled?
Think of all the things inside you that don’t allow you to accept, to trust, to be humble, to be free.
Those are all the obstacles I am talking about.
To get to something so beautiful and so simple, we must peel off many many layers of obstacles that have been created against it. We must peel off fear, and greed and many of the thoughts and beliefs that stem from ego.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Rumi
It is a challenging task to do this. Facing the ego is indeed a noble and humbling task. The path to love is an ongoing one. In fact, love is much more a path, love is way, rather than a destination or a result.
Although I understand how the concept of love we have today might cause confusion, no, you can’t love yourself too much. There is no such thing as “too much love.”
Love yourself. Accept yourself fully. Trust yourself. Be humble about yourself. Free yourself.
That is real self-love.
This may be one of the most challenging and beautiful journeys you ever undertake. But certainly worth the ride.
The wise men, quotes and tales all told us everything boiled down to love. They were right.
And as all wisdom continues to prove, everything begins with the Self.
